10:05 p.m. - 2006-03-23
Letting Go
After 4 days of not working out I made my way back to the YMCA tonight. Oh my stars. I got on that treadmill and my hip was killing me. So I knew I wouldn't be able to do all the weight machines for my legs.
I did my 1+ mile and jogged for part of that also. I feel like I'm starting all over. But I will start it up again. I'm telling ya, I have to get some of this fat off me. It's driving me insane. I get discouraged because I'm working out so hard and I don't feel like I've lost enough weight. I wish I could work out for a few weeks and turn around and be a size 12 but I don't think that's going to happen. Either way, I will get it done eventually. I have to have faith in that. It's that faith that keeps my fat ass going back to the gym every day.
I'm having a real hard time dealing with my daughter being 11 and not wanting anything at all to do with me. She wants to be with her friends, or talking on the phone with her friends, or at the mall with her friends, or on the computer with her friends. I know this was a time that I only dreamed about when she was young and so very clingy. I see that I'm not "cool" anymore to hang out with and she really just wants to do things that don't involve me at all. Damn it's so hard. I know that it's completely normal and I remember being the same way. At that point I didn't want to stay home on a Friday night cuddling and watching movies with my mother. Grrrr. It's frustrating. If I could go back for one day and have her be a baby again I would. I would have never imagined in a million years I'd feel this way about it; feel so sad to see her grow up. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying watching her grow up and change and become a little lady but sometimes it's hard too. I need to let her go. I can totally relate to the overprotective parents out there who will do anything to make sure their kid is sheltered and protected and never hurt. But I know that isn't realistic at all. I wasn't treated like that and I turned out just fine (well, for the most part anyway). I need to just remind myself she is growing up and she will want to do things outside of me. It's just hard. But I'm working through it.
Excuse me while I go get therapy. God.
