8:51 p.m. - 2006-12-12
Not a good night
It's been a virtual roller coaster around here. I've been so damn emotional this last week. And I'm sure the nunny isn't helping anything.
This morning at work my cramps were so bad I felt like my uterus was literally going to fall on the floor. Okay, maybe that was too much information on my part, but still. Jax very promptly brought me some ibuprofen and I downed a bunch of those babies and felt better in no time.
It was such a boring day at work. I have to follow a nurse this week so wherever she is, I go. They needed me so bad on Peds today but couldn't have me. So instead they had to float another person there who has never worked in Peds and had no idea what she was doing. It sucked. Because I was sitting on the Unit trying to find stuff most of the day because we weren't very busy at all. I HATE days like that, when there is nothing to do. It doesn't happen real often, but it does happen.
I'm just really struggling with a lot of things right now. The job that I love and adore doesn't pay shit. So I go to work and work my ass off doing things I love and get paychecks that don't even pay the bills. Try that one on for size. I may not be able to pay the light bill this month but by God I love them babies!
Tomorrow I have a job interview at another place for a second job. Yep, just what I wanna do, work full-time, go to school AND get another job. But right now it has to be done. Plus it will help me decide on my future such as where I want to work and what kind of patients I want to care for. I'm about 95% sure I want to care for the kind of patients I am already taking care of, but still I need to see what else is out there. Plus the pay is way better than I'm making now and any extra money I can bring in will help greatly.
It's just not a very happy holiday season for sure. I'm hoping that it gets better eventually but I'm still not too hopeful. I won't get into major specifics but I've been an emotional wreck since last Friday. And I don't see any end to that anytime soon unless something really huge happens. I guess I'll just cross my fingers. But I have trust that those around me will help me work this out.
I have a HUGE headache tonight, I'm sure from just being stressed out and crying. I took a Tylenol PM about an hour ago and I'm hoping it not only takes my headache away, I'm hoping I zonk out and don't have to think about anything the rest of the night.
Wish me luck.
But please...don't smile at me and wish my Merry Christmas. Don't ask me if I've gotten all my shopping done and if I'm a holiday baker (like everybody asked me today just to pass the time) and all of that bullshit. Right now, I'm liable to flip you off and tell you to take a short walk on a long plank.
Fuck it all.
