I've heard all of the horror stories from the nurses and to say I was a bit nervous is an understatement. I had visions of my boobs exploding right there on the table in front of me, the most intense pain and even passing out, since two nurses said they've done that before too. Now I just think nurses are the biggest kind of whimps. First off, the whole caffeine scam. They say not to drink caffeine for 72 hours prior to the exam. Hello? Do you know me? I survive on Diet coke. Telling me no caffeine is like telling The Olsen twins they have to consume cheeseburgers for every meal. It ain't happenin sister. So on Sunday for half the day I forget and am drinking my usual diet coke. When I remember, I switch to caffeine free diet coke. I make it to work on Monday and by the time I get off at 6:30 I have the headache from hell. I go home, pop some ibuprofen and crack open a REAL diet coke. Fuck the instructions, this is a caffeine emergency!!!! Yesterday I stuck to the plan of no caffeine. No headache which surprised me. Although I craved it because yesterday turned into being a flaming shit ball of a day. But more on that later. I did have a diet coke for supper and I don't care. I took 800 mg of ibuprofen before going in this morning, more advice from the whimpy ass nurses I apparently work with. The tech takes me back and says "Hi, I'm Sonya and I'll be doing your mammogram today". What she should have said was "Hi, I'm Sonya and I'll be flopping your big boobies on a plate and squishing them until you say uncle and then taking pictures of them". So I go to this curtained area where I am told to take off my shirt and bra and put on this ever so fashionable teal green top that has no front basically and I might as well have come out topless. But it wouldn't have mattered because these women see tits all day every day and I am sure are not in the least phased by mine. So if it doesn't bother them, then it doesn't bother me. I go into a little room with the big tit squisher machine and I laugh nervously as she's asking me questions. Then she flops my right boob on the plate and says she's going to bring the plate down and squish it until I tell her to stop. She does that and takes a quick picture. She opens it up and my boob flops out and I'm all "oh my god THAT'S it?" It wasn't bad at all. She did that twice on the right and twice on the left. Yes, it was not a pleasing feeling for about 30 seconds but I was amazed. Mammograms *really* aren't that bad. Or maybe it's because I have ginormous boobies and there's no tugging and pulling. You just let it go and it pretty much flops on there and we're rollin. So don't ever let the fear of a mammogram keep you from having one...they really are a piece of cake. Well at least for big girls like myself. Bada bing, bada boom and I was out of there. And now today I have a paper I'm supposed to be writing. Which I will start writing just as soon as I'm done writing this. Procrastinate much???? HA! And here is the irony of that...it's a paper on the benefits of breastfeeding. And I think I'll do fine since I'm all about the boobies today. So yesterday. Yesterday. Where do I start? The day started out manageable then pretty much went to hell in a handbasket from there. But isn't that the way it usually is? I was lifting up a baby to take some pictures of him and while I had him in my hands he became like a friggen ragdoll, muscles relaxed and he turned purple all the way around his mouth. Now that'll scare a person, let me tell ya. But luckily the nurse saw it too so I had back-up at least. He pinked right up and I took his pictures. I went in to get a final set of vitals before he went home and the baby was breathing WAY too fast. So that ended to a trip to the NICU, a phone call to the pediatrician, some lab work and later he was sent home. What a crazy ass day. It was something that I don't ever want to experience again, but I'm not that moronic to know that next time it might even be worse. And I need to deal with this stuff because in the field I am choosing, this shit happens. It still haunts me though but I need to toughen up. Then the birthing center filled up. I mean pregnant mommies left and right. Ever nook and cranny of the joint was full. Every time the door beeped we wondered what else was going to happen. It was crazy. Nurses being called in from every corner of the land to help with deliveries. I even had to help out there a bit, but not much. Sometimes I just do the nurses scutt work, which is fine by me, it's all in the experience I say. Then Peds started to fill up. At one point I was sent over there to help with an admission because there just wasn't enough people to go around. It was nuts. But all in a day's work I say. I feel sorry for who had to work today because I'm sure many babies were born last night and more today and that makes for work for everybody. But good work, let me remind you. I was called this morning to come in and help on another unit. So sorry, but I have boobs that needed to be squished and papers to write about boobs and therefore I was detained. Thanks for playing though, try again later. With that all being said, I need to find something chocolate and start writing a paper. After all, it IS due tomorrow. Sooooooooo last minute. Because I'm badass like that. Word to your mutha. past and future A few hours my ass! - 2007-05-07
Archives Cast Rings 101 things about me about me
I am a 34-year-old college student, mom, friend and all around sarcastic and fun loving person. I'm going to school to be a nurse. I recently quit a high paying job from home to get back into the hospital setting and to get my feet wet in nursing. I work on the Maternal Child Unit which includes the birthing center, perinatal care and Pediatrics. I LOVE IT! These last few years have been all about changes in my life. Although they have required great sacrifice, I know it will be worth it when I'm through. I have a great life and great family and friends and occasionally bitch about my white trash neighbors. Mostly here you will find rants and raves about various people, places, and circumstances. ENJOY! Loves: Nursing, chocolate, my daughter, family and friends, diet coke, Grey's Anatomy (DUH!), being out of my front patio in the summertime with my neighbors, babies, US Weekly magazine, reality TV, being smart and being a mother. Hates: Chemistry, online cyberstalkers who have no life but to be online 24/7 causing drama, my white trash neighbors, pepporoni pizza, mice, bugs, when it's too hot outside and I get sweaty, seafood, backstabbing people, liars, crooks, and when people play the "victim" and whine 24/7.
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